Thursday, November 4, 2010

They WANT you to be their friend

My husband is constantly telling me that I need friends, or maybe just one really good friend. 

He wonders why I don't talk or text on the phone constantly or go out and have "girls nights." He thinks there is something wrong with me that I don't have people in my life. Besides my customers, my co-workers, and women that are involved with his friends I would say that there aren't any constant figures in my life.

Lets start this out by defining friend, as it applies to this situation. Friend, noun, a person of the same sex whom you can talk to about life, hang out with on a regular basis, share fond memories and grow with. Someone who loves you, and would be there for you in the drop of a hat. Someone who knows you and understands you. The kind of person that you would share clothes with, adorn matching jewelery with cute sayings, or even be crazy enough to get a matching tattoo with...

I attribute not having friends to a few things. First thing that may cause my friend-less-ness its being 28, married, no kids. Being an older married person without kids is a rarity. Its also a very strange place to be socially. I don't have children to talk about or take on play dates, and people who have kids either don't relate to me, think I won't relate to them, or are so intimidated by my ability* to not procreate yet that they can't stand to be around me, thus eliminating a whole plethora of potential friends. Just being married knocks out an entire group of the population too. People who aren't married really don't like to hang around us married folk. It gives them the willies.

(*I say ability because it has been my choice to not have children. No ooops, none what so ever. You can read about that thought here.)

The second thing that may have caused me to not have friends is being a christian. That's right, I said it! Before I became a christian I had TONS of friends. We would drink, dance, go to clubs, shop, party and hang out all the time. My inbox was always full, my datebook fully scheduled, and my social life in full swing... but the minute I changed my life people stopped calling. I have even had people say to me "oh, you've got God in your life now, I'm not talking to you." Apparently being in good graces with the big man upstairs is offensive to people. Most of these "friends" probably weren't friends in the first place. They were just people that I went out with 4-7 nights a week. Once you take away the dimly lit rooms, loud music, and adult beverages there wasn't much holding us together.

The MAIN reason I believe I no longer have friends is my profession. Being a hairstylist drops you into this special category of people. They WANT you to be their friend, but only seem to call when they have a hair question, need their hair done, want to pick up product at the supply store etc. You no longer get the "guess what happened" or "hows your day going" calls or texts, its only when your skills and services are desired. Don't get me wrong, I truly enjoy conversing with each and every one of my clients, and love seeing them... but if my dog died would any of them be there? Probably not. It may be my mistake, in crossing the line from friend to client in offering to do new or old friends hair for them, but every time, in every situation, it has lead to only being called when their hair needs me.

There is one thing about me not having friends that is MY fault (well not really mine, but that of the people that have cause it to be my fault). I'm a pretty tough brick wall. I've been hurt, hurt bad by "friends", especially ones in the Best category, so I don't open up easily. No one really knows me anymore besides my husband.  I finally got so tired of being used and mistreated that I started piling up the bricks until it truly became a full blown wall up. Part of me doesn't regret it, because it has kept it from happening for a while, but the other part of me does because I just don't feel the love I used to when I had a BFF. I am working on this though, and I may need to relearn how to be a friend.

If I had to break it down I would say that 75% of me is okay with not having any friends. I like the drama free lifestyle. I like having my alone time and being able to do what I want to do. I'm surrounded by people all the time, the boys are always around and I have fun with them. Sometimes they have a wife or girlfriend that I enjoy spending time with, and that is that.

But sometimes I just want someone to go to lunch with and talk about everything that is going on in my life...

1 comment:

  1. I truly think its just an age thing. I went through the same my teens to mid 20's I had an AWESOME group of friends, we were inseparable. Then, from like 25 to 29, nothing. It was crazy. I've just recently kind of "found my group" but even then, its not the same. Its high school, you're so much more immature, but I swear the relationships I had then were so much deeper and more real than any I have had since. Partially due to my brick wall as well :) But, I don't know, I mean, strange as it is, I often wonder if I will EVER have another friend like that. About 18 months ago, I met a girl and we hit it off INSTANTLY, we started hanging out maybe 4-5 nights a week, going to walmart, shopping, going to dinner, grabbing coffee, just whatever. Texting and calling at LEAST once a day. It was AWESOME. I was so excited, I thought FINALLY, this is it. Then...suddenly, she became very busy, she could never hang out anymore. Now I see her maybe once every 60 days, and phone calls and texts are non-existant. She has a whole new group of friends, and I continually read on her blog about them going shopping together, heck they even went to FLORIDA together on a girls trip. It hurts. So trust this area...I know where you're coming from :(